you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
