go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
