I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
