awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
