yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
