i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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