in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
