apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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