this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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