Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
