Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
