It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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