Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
