Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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