so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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