And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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