So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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