I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
