I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
