I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
