god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
