Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
