Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
