Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i will never coherently bang her
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
