I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
