she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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