He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
