There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
