My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize