My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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