Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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