Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
