Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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