Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
