Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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