only you would photoshop your dick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
