Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
