I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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