So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
