i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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