Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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