My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he shaved USA in his pubs
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
