East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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