Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
His nipple licking is glorious
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