May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
