Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
