"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
