Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have fence marks all over my body
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
