Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize