My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
