The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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