I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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