God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
