it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
