Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
