he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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