How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
