I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You ruined the universe
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
