He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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