you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
