Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
