Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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