wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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