guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
