he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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