Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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