Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
