I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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